So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
