I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
