New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
