and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
