um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
