I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
