What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
