Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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