Is it because I queefed?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
