Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
