Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
