Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
