Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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