u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
