Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
