HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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