I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
