4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
