I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
