did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
