Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
