Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
