Buhtt sex?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
