ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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