ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
