is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
