I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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