You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize