May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
