I met the friendliest cop last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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