my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
