god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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