That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
