Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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