What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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