I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
