How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
