Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
