After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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