Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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