don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
