absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
