I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
