The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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