Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
