You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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