I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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