Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
