I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love having hate sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
