Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
