Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
