"it" just moved
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
