The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
