if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
