my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
