Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
