you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
