Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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