Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
