I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
