chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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