Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
